What Was the Scariest Thing About Halloween?

Posted By Marilyn Burnett on Nov 28, 2015

Marilyn Schletzer

Well, I’m very glad you asked, and I will tell you.

The scariest thing about my Halloween was PUMPKIN SPICE PEEPS.

Dear God, is nothing sacred?

Those horrifying little creatures with the demonic eyes are now officially everywhere all the time. No holiday is safe. And if there doesn’t happen to be a designated holiday on the calendar, the fine folks at Peeps HQ will force Jurassic Park Dinosaur Egg Peeps down our throats. I kid you not; I have seen them with my own two eyes, and trust me, they are not even remotely as scary as the original yellow-that-is-not-found-in-nature variety.

What are we to do?

I for one am still strongly in favor of nuking to kingdom come each and every Peepie individual in the microwave, but frankly, I’d rather not deal with the messy consequences. So for now, I simply walk down grocery store aisles trying to avoid beady eye contact with them. I’m pretty sure if I look at one too long, I’ll turn to stone. Or marshmallow.

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